i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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