Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
