I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
