Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
