Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
