Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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