Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
is that a dick in a sweater?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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