So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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