i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just cropdusted the office
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
