I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize