just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
