were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
