let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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