Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
tell me about the eggs
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