you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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