I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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