I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
