my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
