you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
