you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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