So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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