bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
