I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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