I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
