Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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