I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
