Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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