I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
