So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
