i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
