Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
