It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
