I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
