It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize