Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When did we convert life to cartoon?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize