Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
