Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
