she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
