That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize