Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
