Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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