it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
