I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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