Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
