It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
