My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
