Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Drunk is not a location!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
