Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
