My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
