So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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