so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
