Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just want to make out with him forever
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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