i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just gargled with NyQuil
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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