i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
