So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
