i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
