Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
