The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
