My first STD was from a foam party
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
