Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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