Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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