Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
