Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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