there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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