Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
