were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Are we still banned from the library?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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