spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
