She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
