So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
